2nd Post – Yes I am still doing this !!!

Hello beautiful people,

First of all , thank you to all who read my first EVER blog post. I hope you enjoyed it . God knows I was so nervous about it, however, you have to start somewhere right? 

This weekend I had to face my old friend Peter Panic  . Yes he’s back  and in full force during my scuba diving class this weekend. I am taking a trip to Fiji this August which is one of the best places to scuba in the world. My husband also would like to take a shark diving trip to San Diego after our Fiji trip and you need to be dive certified for that as well . It also is a way my husband and I can have something to do together. Day 1 in class I was fine , a little nervous but OK . Day 2 – started good , set up my tank without help and jumped into the pool without nerves . In the middle of clearing my mask for the 20th time it seemed , I got water in my nose , breathed it in and started choking and rushed up to the surface in a panic , exactly what you are NOT supposed to do . From that moment on , I was FREAKED OUT and froze . I couldn’t perform none of my skills , I couldn’t do anything right. I felt the class was waiting on me. I felt so much pressure to get it done that I just shut down , started crying and looked my husband in the eyes and told him ” I can’t do this , I am 100 % uncomfortable and this is NOT for me !!” . I got out of the pool , showered , told my husband I would be back to pick him up .  I cried the whole way home so disappointed in myself and felt so defeated . Thinking about what I would be missing out on and yet another opportunity my husband and I would be not able to do together. The wonderful instructor Lloyd who was teaching about 10 other students (at the same time) came over to me the next day when I dropped my husband off for his class and gave me some wonderful kind words . He said ” Maybe today is not today , I don’t want you to be uncomfortable and that is OK. I admire you for saying this is not for me.”  Those words hit me like a ton of bricks “That is OK”, I had not heard those words in a long time . I was so caught up in the being the perfect scuba diver student and in my own insecurities that I forgot that I wasn’t perfect . No one is . EVER.  We forget that a lot . We want to be everything to everybody and it just can’t happen and THAT IS OK.  Still thinking about giving scuba another try and if I don’t succeed . THAT IS OK.  Although Peter Panic came back into my life this weekend , he didn’t define me this time for 4 weeks like back in 2013, maybe just 4 hours this time. 

Have a great week beautiful people and I wish you peace,joy and happiness everyday of your lives ,


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43 y/o from Luling, Louisiana . RN for 18 years . I also teach spin and yoga classes. I'm married for 16 years and have a four legged child named Mia . Trying to make the world a better place through mental wellness